I’m Not Staying

Every day I walked in my self-worth diminished all by the words of one. I dreaded the days I would have to see their face. Fear, sadness, rage, drained, stupid are just some words that being around them made you feel. How can one feel any different when that’s all they hear all day by you? Your words were sharper than knives and heavier than the biggest boulder. They dug deep tearing down every last drop of one’s confidence. For what? To make you feel better about yourself. You would rather make someone feel completely worthless and still beat them down to prove an invalid point. You made me cry by your words, and leave by your actions. Push, push, pushed too far. You broke us all. Outside we didn’t show it. We wouldn’t show it. We wouldn’t let you win. But inside bits and pieces of our hearts had been shattered. We banded together because we realized it’s the only way we would survive. Our time lost on empty promises and crushed hope. You made me question my existence by convincing me I was stupid. No smarter than a five year old, a baby even. You thought that saying I was “to skinny” didn’t hurt me, but over time it hit deeper and deeper and deeper until finally my very core started to cry. You drove my mind to the knife and my heart to the cliff, but I’m stronger now. And you? You’re broken and we all see it. We all see you for who you really are. Broken with very little self-worth, striving to over compensate for the lack there of by tearing down everyone else. Maybe it wasn’t us that were always wrong and too stupid to realize the obvious. Maybe had you listened to us, talked to us, and thought before you spoke to us we would all still be here. But yet, your ego got in the way and took precedence over anything else. You put yourself over others leading to your own demise. Like they say, “You can’t treat people like dogs and expect them to stay around and love you.” That’s not how it works. I am Kind, Smart and Important, and I’d be crazy to let anyone tell me otherwise. I tried to give you a chance, several even, and I gave it my all but you kept on kicking me down. After a while I realized I wasn’t going to let you tear me down to nothing. I’m human. Sure, I may not be perfect all the time, but as long as I try my hardest I deserve to be treated properly. Finally, you want to start changing once you’ve already pushed us all away. It’s too late now. I’m sorry it had to go down like this, but I am not trash or disposable for that matter. I’m a survivor.

Sincerely,

The One That Got Away